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The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

News

Selling feet pictures has never been easier now that you are stuck in quarantine. (Photo via Wikimedia Commons)

Earn cash now with a picture of your foot

Meagan Stackpool March 31, 2020

Selling feet pictures online has never been so popular. Ever since Colorado State University closed its doors and the main source of revenue for hundreds of college students has dried up, students are...

Colorado State University’s Infectious Disease Research Center found that students exposed to the Clark building are completely immune to COVID-19. (Annie von Porcupine | The Wake Up Slap)

Clark Building found to be cure to coronavirus

Matthew Bailey March 31, 2020

Editor's Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s news section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s...

The Colorado State University dorms, Westfall and Durward, and the Durrell Center stand primarily without power on Feb. 18. (Addie Kuettner | The Collegian)

CSU to limit race and bias incidents by going online, shutting down campus

Marshall Dunham March 31, 2020

In an effort to limit the vast amount of race and bias incidents that have occurred on campus, Colorado State University has shut down its entire campus and moved all of its operations online. “We had...

A frightened Tony Frank answers questions after being found hiding in a closet playing "Animal Crossing" on his Nintendo Switch. (Smack Attackit | The Wake Up Slap)

Tony Frank found hiding in closet, playing Animal Crossing amid outbreak

Austin Fleskes March 31, 2020

While Colorado State University administration scrambled to address questions and concerns from worried students and the campus community, one prominent figure was unable to be found for several weeks:...

A CSU Surveillance Goose flies away from campus after being laid off due to having no students to watch amid the COVID-19 pandemic. (Smack Attackit | The Wake Up Slap)

Campus surveillance geese laid off amid COVID-19 outbreak

Austin Fleskes March 31, 2020

With the COVID-19 pandemic shutting down businesses and costing people jobs, Colorado State University saw its own spree of layoffs in the form of a well-established surveillance program. Due to the lack...

Colorado State University President Joyce McConnell awaits the December Class of 2020 students with oranges, brownies, and capri suns to congratulate them on finishing the semester. (Annie von Porcupine | The Wake Up Slap)

Joyce McConnell celebrates halfway point of semester with orange slices, promises Capri Sun and brownies at end of year

Forrest Czarnecki March 31, 2020

It was time to break out some of Florida’s finest on Monday as Colorado State University President Joyce McConnell kicked off a campus-wide celebration of reaching the halfway point in the spring semester. With...

The Campus Squirrel Alliance gathers on the Plaza as Squirrel Mayor Flufftail leads the protest from the Stump. (Annie von Porcupine | The Wake Up Slap)

Campus squirrels march on The Plaza

Serena Bettis March 31, 2020

The Campus Squirrel Alliance rallied on The Plaza March 30 to celebrate the first full week of a student-free campus. Unaware of the global pandemic because squirrels boycott the media, the CSA released...

Colorado State University residence halls have a very strict zero tolerance policy regarding alcohol possession, consumption or paraphernalia. (Photo Illustration by Forrest Czarnecki | The Collegian)

Students fall prey to day drinking and cirrhosis, study reports

Noah Pasley March 31, 2020

Following the turbulent month March has been, it's only fitting to share yet another bout of bad news. While social distancing and self-isolation are certainly effective measures to curb COVID-19, they...

Changes to the Non-Tenture Track Faculty hiring and pay at Colorado State University have resulted in significant changes for current PhD students. PhD students who are working as instructors have been stripped of health, dental, vision and life insurance, as well as losing their retirement plan options. In order to maintain their employment, some students are having to pay the university for credit hours and have opted into the student health insurance plan. (Photo Illustration by Colin Shepherd | The Collegian)

CSU files for bankruptcy after collecting tuition on shortened semester

Forrest Czarnecki March 31, 2020

Colorado State University has filed for every single type of bankruptcy possible in a shocking move, only days after sending out a statement saying they would still milk the cow and collect every cent...

Uber Tweaks will now deliver meth straight to your front door. (Luke Boredman | The Wake Up Slap)

Uber Tweaks delivers meth to your front door for COVID-19

Ravyn Cullor March 31, 2020

With the surge of food and alcohol delivery options cropping up to encourage social distancing during the COVID-19 pandemic, meth dealers have launched a new app, Uber Tweaks, to bring their product to...

Woman wears a face mask to prevent the spread of disease. (Photo Illustration by Anna von Pechmann | The Collegian)

Larimer County reports 5 COVID-19 related deaths

Ceci Taylor March 31, 2020

The Larimer County Department of Health and Environment has now associated five deaths in the county with COVID-19. Two of these deaths are epidemiologically linked, meaning there is a possible connection...

Colorado State University biomedical sciences freshman Chaia Geltser (left) is helped by her mother Anna Geltser (center) and sister Ettie Geltser (right) to load their car after moving out of Ingersoll Hall March 25. “It probably is for the best but it’s tough for sure,” said Chaia Geltser. “I think that CSU organized it really well though.” (Matt Tackett | The Collegian)

Petition asks CSU to refund tuition in face of COVID-19 campus shutdown

Ravyn Cullor March 31, 2020

You gave them $12,000, COVID-19 struck and now they’re giving you online courses, delayed commencement and limited access to some resources your fees paid for. But some students are asking for a portion...

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