Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read editor’s notes are subject to being offended.
FORT COLLINS – In recent years, there has been a growing trend of solidarity among women against the transgressions and unfairness they face in the workplace. The #MeToo movement and the call for equal pay have pushed these issues to the forefront of society and have inspired many women to demand a better workplace experience and the same compensation as their male coworkers.
Additionally, many women like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ilhan Omar are taking more prominent roles in politics. Considering this climate of female empowerment, it would make perfect sense for there to be a change to an age-old holiday tradition: having Mrs. Claus deliver gifts this Christmas.
For generations, Mrs. Claus has been living under the shadow of her husband. He gets all the praise and adoration for delivering toys to good boys and girls all over the world in one night, when really, he could not do it without his wife. It is time that Mrs. Claus’ annual contributions to the holiday be recognized — she should receive a greater role than she has traditionally held. With all the recent female empowerment, the Christmas glass ceiling is just begging to be shattered.
Having been a part of hundreds, if not thousands, of Christmases, Mrs. Claus is more than qualified to be the one sliding down chimneys and stuffing stockings with gifts, giving joy to children across the world.”
One needn’t look further than the Christmas song “Mrs. Santa Claus” by Nat King Cole to see how Mrs. Claus is underappreciated in the North Pole and how her talents are underutilized. The song includes lines such as “Who’s helping Santa every day?” “Who keeps his red suit looking nice?” and “Who gives the brownies all their spice?” which paints a very sexist picture of Mrs. Claus’ treatment at the North Pole.
Santa and Mrs. Claus were unfortunately unavailable to comment, as they were busy in their preparations for Christmas, but a few former elves were able to be reached for comment.
“It’s really sad to see how the Mrs. was treated,” one said. “She’s been around for this Christmas thing for decades, seeing the ins and outs of the operation, but Santa still delegates her to cooking and cleaning because she’s a woman.”
Another elf had this to say about the working relationship between Mr. and Mrs. Claus: “I think it’s a toxic masculinity thing with Santa. He can’t let his job be done by a woman, no matter how capable she is.”
Having been a part of hundreds, if not thousands, of Christmases, Mrs. Claus is more than qualified to be the one sliding down chimneys and stuffing stockings with gifts, giving joy to children across the world.
Not only would it be sexist to suggest she should continue being subservient to her husband, but it would be wrong, as recent years have proven, since there is nothing about femininity or womanhood that makes someone lesser. This Christmas, it should be Mrs. Claus delivering gifts.
Satirical writer Ethan Vassar can be reached at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @ethan_vassar.
