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Over the summer, between online classes and logging hours for an internship I’d fought tooth and nail to land, I found myself growing increasingly introspective.
Perhaps the sweltering Washington, D.C., heat was getting to me, or maybe I was just sharing in the seemingly universal experience of having a minor existential crisis before the last year of undergrad. Either way, I spent a lot of time thinking about what it is to be human and how the human experience shifts and changes.
I’m dramatic, I know. Still, during a doom-scrolling session in a coffee shop on one particularly muggy afternoon in July, I came across a video interview that author Ocean Vuong had done with ABC News that hit me square in the chest.
Vuong is an acclaimed author and poet best known for his contemplative poetry and introspective long-form writing. I know him best from his 2019 debut novel “On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous,” but I recommend pretty much anything he’s written.
In the interview, however, he spoke primarily from his perspective as a professor of modern poetry and poetics at New York University.
After 11 years of teaching, Vuong said what he has noticed is that more and more, the youth of America have become increasingly self-conscious of trying because of fear of judgement or of being “cringe.”
“They pull back, but in fact, they are deeply hungry for sincere, earnest effort,” Vuong said. “They often do it privately. They don’t want to admit to each other that they are trying really hard to do what they want to do.”
As a student of the social sciences, this trend has not necessarily been lost on me. But as someone who has perhaps never been “cool” or “normal” about anything in her life, Vuong’s take on the matter resonated deeply with me.
When did we decide that caring is uncool? When did it become embarrassing to try?
Humans are never perfect. Even those of us who are deemed a prodigy in something must put in effort to maintain that standing. The common experience among all humans is to try and try again. We fail and have to learn how to get up. We care about people, things, places and everything in between.
Still, despite this shared experience, the perception of putting in effort or caring has become decidedly undesirable.
“It’s not embarrassing to care, to try or to be perceived doing either of those things. Putting in effort and being proud of that effort — in and of itself, regardless of the results — is cool. We are all humans simply trying our best, and frankly, I think it’s not cool to shame that.”
There’s no doubt that social media and the internet have contributed to that. In his interview, Vuong mentioned that there is “a kind of surveillance culture” that comes with social media. As someone who grew up with the internet, I have to agree.
The ability to share so much of ourselves with others online means that we are also vulnerable to unwanted reactions. I can think of a dozen viral moments that were deemed cringey, and quite a few of those were actually just people caring a lot about something loudly and without restraint.
My generation has become obsessed with appearing nonchalant, being above it all. Cool. Untouchable. To care is risky; we open ourselves up to hurt when we care so openly. Instead, we act like we don’t care because if we don’t care, then nothing can hurt us. We protect ourselves when we act like we don’t care, and we avoid exposing the human vulnerability that we’re all so terrified of.
Unfortunately, when we act like we don’t care, all we do is guarantee isolation. We need human connection to develop social relationships. Without vulnerability, we can’t make real friends or create those vital connections that actually make life meaningful.
More than that, when we refuse to admit out loud just how much we’re trying, how much we actually care, we are not being honest with ourselves, either. We act like we aren’t trying every single day, and we think everyone else isn’t trying because it has become undesirable to appear as though we are putting in effort.
It’s a heartbreaking phenomenon because it means we are losing the ability to be honest and to relate to those around us, and without that, we have nothing.
So if you’ll allow me a brief moment of indulgence, I’d like to try and counteract just a little bit of this nonchalant trend.
I try really hard every single day. I am in my final year of two undergraduate degrees, and I have put in real effort into my education because I care. I care deeply about my friends, my coworkers, my family, my cat and pretty much everyone around me. I love too many things to list, but some of the things I am deliberately not nonchalant about are: the current WNBA season, hope as a radical act, album track list order as an art form, the color lavender, the replication crisis in psychology, dedicated teachers and nonlinear narratives in books.
In my 22 years on this earth, I have cared a lot about so many things. I have also fallen victim to the nonchalant mentality. I’m so glad I got out of it. It’s not embarrassing to care, to try or to be perceived doing either of those things. Putting in effort and being proud of that effort — in and of itself, regardless of the results — is cool. We are all humans simply trying our best, and frankly, I think it’s not cool to shame that.
To echo Vuong, we can be sincere and earnest. In fact, we should be, and we shouldn’t fear condemnation or ridicule for it. To try, to care enough to try, is to be human.
Reach Hannah Parcells at letters@collegian.com or on social media @hannahparcells.
