Trin Bonner
As the semester slowly shuffles toward winter, many of us find ourselves buried under mountains of assignments, to-do lists and general life chaos. While curling up with a blanket and your favorite movie might seem like the obvious escape from stress, sometimes the best cure is hate-watching a film so ridiculously awful it’s impossible to look away.
Hate-watching is different from a guilty pleasure. It’s not a movie we secretly enjoy, even with some obvious flaws; it’s a film that you actually kind of despise but for some reason can’t seem to look away from it, one that tries to be taken seriously but totally fails.
The acting might be over-the-top, the plot might make no sense, and the budget might have been about five dollars, but that’s exactly what makes it so entertaining.
Don’t believe that hate-watching is the perfect way to deal with stress? Research suggests that experiencing strong negative emotions — like outrage or disbelief at a terrible movie — can actually trigger the release of happy hormones in the brain, like dopamine and serotonin.
On top of that, nothing brings people together quite like hate; mocking an atrocious movie with friends creates a sense of community and has been shown to deepen bonds. There are millions of bad movies out there to choose from, but here are some of the best ones to get you started.
‘Birdemic: Shock and Terror’ (2010)
If you had a fever dream immediately after watching Alfred Hitchcock’s renowned thriller “The Birds”, it would probably look like “Birdemic: Shock and Terror.”
The movie follows a couple as their small town is suddenly attacked by birds that they must furiously fight off with coat hangers. The CGI is laughably bad. The “birds” look like GIFs and are prone to suddenly exploding like grenades in poofs of multi-colored smoke.
Between the horrendous CGI and the surprisingly thoughtful environmental message, “Birdemic” has a sincerity that walks a fine line between excruciating and endearing. You’ll wonder how it ever got made, but will be grateful it did. And if you enjoy watching a bunch of birds explode, you’re in luck: “Birdemic” received not just one, but two sequels.
“The VelociPastor” (2018)
The title of this movie tells you pretty much exactly what you’re in for. “The VelociPastor” is about a priest who gains the power to turn into a dinosaur after a trip to China. And what better use of his newfound strength is there than to fight cocaine-dealing Christian ninjas and avenge his parents’ death?
What makes this movie work is that it knows it’s bad and leans all the way in. It doesn’t even pretend to take itself seriously; one early scene literally has the caption “(VFX: car on fire)” instead of actual special effects.
It’s absurd, self-aware and cheap in all the right ways. “The VelociPastor” is so stupid it’s impossible not to have a good time watching it. It invites you to throw all your worries out the window for a couple of hours and cheer while a dinosaur priest dropkicks evil in the name of the Lord.
“Cats” (2019)
This is a somewhat controversial pick. With a whopping 19% on Rotten Tomatoes, most agree that the movie adaptation of the Broadway musical “Cats” is the kind of nightmare that’d be better off forgotten.
There’s no discernible plot aside from cats introducing themselves, and it has an uncomfortable sensuality to it; as one of my friends put it when we stumbled out of the theater, “watching Cats is like being stuck at a strip club on acid.”
However, it does feature a star-studded cast, including Taylor Swift, Jennifer Hudson, Jason Derulo, Idris Elba and Rebel Wilson. Their 100% commitment to the film makes it a truly unique watch.
There aren’t many opportunities to see an A-List celebrity like James Corden roll around in an actual pile of litter, which is genuinely a sight you won’t forget — no matter how hard you try. It’s a weirdly hypnotic performance with enough familiar faces to make it a perfect modern hate-watch. Bonus points if you sing along.
“The Room” (2003)
While an obvious pick, no best bad movie list would be complete without “The Room.” Written, directed and mysteriously self-funded by the notoriously eccentric Tommy Wiseau, this “drama” follows a love triangle between banker Johnny, his fiancée Lisa, and his best friend Mark.
Everything about this movie is a train wreck. From the multiple poorly green-screened rooftop confrontations to the framed photos of spoons that constantly appear in the background. Even the dialogue is so poorly written that it’s almost poetic. Tie it all together with wooden acting, and it will leave you wondering what Wiseau’s home planet is like.
What began as a failed passion project has, over the years, transformed into a full-blown cult classic. “The Room” is a masterpiece of failure; watching it is like watching a home movie directed by someone who thinks they’re making “The Notebook” (2004). And that unwarranted confidence is exactly what makes it impossible not to love.
Reach Faith Blankenship at entertainment@collegian.com or on social media @RMCollegian.