Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from the Collegians opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not like reading editor’s notes are subject to being offended.
The Colorado State University Board of Governors voted to demolish Hughes Stadium. However, many have proposed that the stadiums materials can be put to a better use. President Donald Trump believes that Hughes can be used for one of his current proposals.
Trump’s border wall is a working project, but materials from Hughes stadium could make 400 feet of it a reality, according to Trump.
The wall will cost an estimated $15-$25 billion. Most of that money will go to making special scissors to fit Donald Trump’s tiny hands for the ribbon cutting.
The portion of the wall built with donated materials from Hughes could save the federal government a substantial amount of money. Additionally, this would build a positive rapport with the executive branch and environmental groups.
“Even though I have billion and billions of dollars, a donation from Colorado State University would be huuuuuuugeeeeee,” Trump said. “That guy Hugh, he’s great, I have met him, his stadium is good, he’s a good guy.”
President Trump had some additional comments, “The Collegian is the CNN of newspapers, their satire section is all fake news. Terrible.”
Satirical writer Ethan Vassar can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or online @ethan_vassar