Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from the Collegians opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not like reading editors notes are subject to being offended.
Fort Collins — Mayor Wade Troxell has found the best way to keep the city’s ranking as one of the top 10 college towns to live in. Troxell declared this week that as of next month, Fort Collins will remain under construction forever.
“Construction means growth, which means Fort Collins can only continue getting more and more beautiful,” Troxell said.
The new initiative is called “Bigger, Better, Beautiful: Fort Collins.” Construction will continue on major roadways and parks throughout the city. Most of the construction will be around the CSU campus, primarily on major roadways students use to get to class.
“At some point, I just want to redo the entirety of campus west,” said Troxell. “A ton of students live there and rely on those paths, so we should make them as beautiful as possible.”
Troxell hopes this will inspire Colorado State University president, Dr. Tony Frank, to build another on campus stadium.
“Football shouldn’t be limited to one side of the CSU campus,” Troxell said. “Football is for everyone.” Students and community members alike are encouraged to join in this continual process of
“Together we can make a bigger, better, beautiful Fort Collins,” Troxell said.
Satire writer Savannah Hoag can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org