Video by Zach Bermejo and Alec Erickson
A beer bong has the ability to take you from zero to buzzed in no time. Whether you are pregaming, partying hard or you got off work late and need to get on the level of your already drunk friends, a beer bong will get the job done. As magical as a beer bong can be, the act can be equally as intimidating. Without proper instruction, one small slip-up can be disastrous.
Here is how to do a proper beer bong:
1. Choosing the right beer.
Keep in mind what you are actually doing when bonging a beer. You are basically injecting an entire 12-ounce beer into your body in a split second. The last thing you want to bong is some kind of heavy, high alcohol percentage stout or IPA.
Buy something easy on your stomach and your wallet, ideally a beer ending in “Light.” After you purchase the beer, let it sit out for about ten minutes. Bonging an overly chilled beer can be harsh on your throat.
2. Pouring the beer.
Pouring is a delicate and careful process. Fold the tube so the end hangs just above the top of the funnel to keep the beer from spilling all over the floor and your shirt.
To get the least amount of foam in the beer bong, tilt the funnel and hold the can or bottle as closely to it as possible. Pour slowly.
3. Get rid of the excess foam with nose grease.
Foam is inevitable. No matter how perfect the pour, there will always be a frothy layer floating on the top. Getting rid of it is a quick fix. Take your index finger and rub it in the crevices on the sides of your nose. If you have been partying for a few hours, there should be a good amount of oil there. If you have a clean face, you may want to use a friend’s nose grease (see Step 4.)
Do not be afraid to stir your greasy finger around in the beer. Your friends will be more impressed than disgusted. The oil will cause the foam to disappear almost immediately.
4. Have a friend nearby to hold the bong.
Beer bongs are about the camaraderie. Sure, a beer bong can be done solo, but where is the fun in that? Drinking alcohol is always better with a friend. In fact, if you are regularly doing beer bongs alone, you should seek help.
5. Taking the beer bong.
Now that you have a foam-free beer and a buddy holding the funnel, you are ready to go.
With both hands, hold the end of the tube close to your mouth. Inhale deeply. Exhale. Insert the tube directly into your face while simultaneously taking a knee. As soon as the tube falls below the funnel, beer will start to flow out full force.
Open your throat and let gravity do the work. The beer should naturally descend to your stomach with minimal chugging effort. The goal is to finish the beer as quickly as possible. Depending on how fast you can get the beer down your gullet, it is acceptable but not encouraged to let it fill in your cheeks and take big gulps as necessary. This will only extend the time of the bonging process.
6. The aftermath.
After the beer has successfully entered your body with hopefully no spills, you will feel a minor pain in your chest. This is totally normal. Belch out all that gas for relief and do not hold back. You may want to have access to a nearby sink in the slight chance that the beer will come right back up.
You should now have all the knowledge you need to correctly take a beer bong. Remember, too many beers in too short of time can be dangerous and may make you feel like trash in the morning. Drink alcohol in moderation, be responsible and stay safe.
Collegian reporter Jonny Rhein can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @jonnyrhein.