For many, finals week is a time of stress, panic and existential crises. Cramming a whole semester’s worth of material into the last few days before the final exam and saving a 20-page paper for the night before it is due are never good ideas and yet here we are. If you happen to be one of the fortunate students who has a grip on their academic life, this article is not for you. But if you tend to procrastinate by daydreaming about what jobs you do not need a degree to pursue, read on. Here are seven jobs to consider just in case you do not show up to that 7:30 a.m. final or any final ever again.
Adult entertainment worker
Just had to get this one out of the way. It is no secret that this line of work pays extremely well, possibly even more than that degree you are working towards ever will. But be warned, this industry requires certain skills that are not commonly taught in the classroom.
Think about it. You would get to be your own boss, make your own schedule and call all the shots. Do not be fooled, being an entrepreneur is hard work. But at the end of the day, it all starts with an idea. People have made millions off a toothbrush that sings, a blanket with arms and a cat with perpetual RBF… I see you, Grumpy Cat.
Do dogs feel uneasy around you? Do you look great carrying a satchel? Do you still believe in the magic of a hand-written letter? If you answered yes to any of these questions, this might just be the career for you. Sign up for a life of public servitude today!
Explosives workers and earth diggers
There is no doubt that the thought of the time and money you wasted on your dead-end education has taken its toll. Here is your chance to release some pent-up aggression! You already have job experience, just think of all that time spent in a sandbox as a toddler.
If J.K. Rowling can brainstorm “Harry Potter” on an ordinary train ride and Lewis Carroll can write “Alice in Wonderland” while tripping, then surely you can come up with the next generation’s “Twilight” series. Plus, you will have lots of free time to work on the whole tortured artist thing.
It is never too late to wipe the Cheeto dust off your fingers and get a little too aggressive in your flag football IM league!
If any of the above careers are plan b, this is plan z. You can make this happen if you are willing to put in the work. Start hanging around country clubs and brush up on your yacht humor. Do not think there is anything funny about a yacht? Better work on that fake laugh too!
Collegian reporter Anna Nixon can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org and on Twitter @anna_nixon12.