A new practice field and a training facility for Colorado State University’s football team are planned to replace CSU’s Monfort Quad the B and C wings of the Andrew G. Clark building. Liberal arts students and faculty will be relocated underground.
The new practice field will be built over the Monfort Quad, which lies between the Animal Sciences and Plant Sciences buildings, and extend under what is now the Clark B-wing to the edge of the Center Avenue Mall. The Clark-B wing will be demolished so it does not restrict the height footballs can be thrown at. The Clark C-wing will also be remodeled into a training facility.
“It just seemed like the right thing to do,” CSU’s Athletic Director Joe Parker said. “The more football, the better.”
Two practice fields are currently being built next to the new stadium to replace the old field adjacent to Shields Street. A new training facility will also be housed inside the stadium complex. Parker said that the university decided to build additional fields and another training facility so the football players can practice and train more easily between their classes.
“There’s not always much time between classes,” CSU’s football coach, Mike Bobo, said. “Now my boys will be able to hop out of Eddy, get in a few chest presses or toss around the ball, and then run to Animal Sciences or whatever building for their next class.”
Bobo also expressed concern for the football team’s health when they have to walk long distances.
“I don’t want my players to have to trek all the way across campus either,” Bobo said. “One of the reasons we replaced the old practice field was so that they wouldn’t have to walk too far.”
The Clark B and C wings house the College of Liberal Arts office, the Department of Journalism and Media Communications, classrooms and faculty offices. Plans are being made to move these spaces underground.
“So I was thinking to myself and wondering where we could relocate the liberal arts students and then I had this idea,” CSU President Tony Frank said as he stroked his beard. “Caves. We can create caves underneath the new practice field lit by torches. I really think it will help the student reconnect with their roots.”
Some students and faculty have expressed concern.
“I have quite a few concerns regarding the caves,” sophomore journalism student Ryan Mickels said. “I’m not sure how the Wi-Fi is going to work down there and if there is going to be access to free printing.”
Frank said he is willing to compromise. In return for moving the facilities in the Clark B and C wings underground, the asbestos in the Clark A-wing will be replaced with fresh asbestos.
“We want the best for our students. We want top of the line caves for the liberal art students, multi-million dollar science facilities for our STEM students and of course, multiple facilities for our football team,” Frank said. “That’s just how we do things here at CSU.”
Disclaimer: Happy April 1. This is a satirical post, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians and/or celebrities, in which case they are fictitious events based on real people. Photos used do not have any connection to the story and are used within the rights of free reuse, as well as cited to the best of our ability. This article is intended for a mature, sophisticated, and discerning audience.