Laura Reynolds, a junior natural resources major, practices yoga every day.
“My practice is everything,” said Reynolds. “I can’t imagine a day without a downward dog or some other inverted pose to keep me balanced.”
But sources say, despite all the yoga, Reynolds is still a pretty shitty person.
Ava Guzman has been Reynolds’ roommate for 8 months now.
“Laura is very interesting because between all the meditation, chaturanga and bong hits, I expected her to be a pretty mellow person,” said Guzman. “But, I can honestly say, I’ve never liked a person less.”
According to Guzman, Reynolds is angry, judgmental and never does the dishes. Reynolds habitually puts dishes in the sink to “soak,” and has promised Guzman she would do the dishes “tomorrow” for the past 36 weeks.
Reynolds works part time at Old Navy. Her manager, Ryan Bach, finds her to be by far the least competent employee at the store. According to Bach, when a customer asks for help, Reynolds stares at them and sighs “no.” She replies to customers like this even if the question is not a yes or no question.
“Her Instagram bio says “find yourself,” and I can’t help but wonder, if she found herself, would she like what she found?” said Bach.
Collegian Satire Blogger Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick can be reached online at email@example.com or on Twitter at @TatianaSophiaPT.
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