On Wednesday, Eric Addelson, a senior engineer major, found himself in an awkward situation on a first date that ended in wasted creamy rice and humiliation.
When the night started, he was pleased with himself. He had confidence in his outfit, a classic tee-khaki-boat shoe combo, as well as confidence in his conversational skills and was excited for the night he had ahead of him.
After many weeks of wandering through the minefield of Tinder, Addelson stumbled across a woman he described as “a 9 in the face and an 8 overall” and immediately made a move. After exchanging 37 words, Addelson knew they had something special.
Addelson brought his date to an Italian restaurant his roommate’s girlfriend said was okay.
During the appetizers, he found his date to be intimidatingly intelligent and worldly. When the waiter asked if the pair was prepared to order, Addelson panicked and ordered what he thought looked like the most sophisticated menu item.
“Yes, I’ll get my favorite Italian dish, Risotto,” said Addelson.
While waiting for the dish, Addelson shared that he despises rice. His date looked confused and asked him why he ordered a plate of it for dinner.
Knowing that his date could see that he was a fraud and a liar, Addelson couldn’t take the shame and left, leaving his date alone at the okayish restaurant.
Addelson is currently hiding in an unknown location.
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Collegian Satire Blogger Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick can be reached online at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter at @TatianaSophiaPT.
Disclaimer: Seriously is a satire blog, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. All articles from Seriously are creations of fiction, and presumably fake publications. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians and/or celebrities, in which case they are fictitious events based on real people. Photos used do not have any connection to the story and are used within the rights of free reuse, as well as cited to the best of our ability. Seriously is intended for a mature, sophisticated, and discerning audience.