Citing crushing workloads and overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, fact-checking agencies across the nation shut down in mass protest following the presidential debate Tuesday.
“We just can’t do it anymore,” Kendrick Edwards, president of the Southern Titular Fact-checkers’ Union (STFU), said in between fits of stress sobbing. “It’s the overwhelming sense of emptiness that’s gotten to us, and the knowledge that our effort is totally futile, that our work will we released to… to silence. Nothing. Zero.”
According to sources, news stations reported being “mildly inconvenienced but not irritated” by the exodus of fact-checkers, noting that it probably won’t be too difficult to fill another minute of airtime with new content.
“You’re seriously asking about this? I mean, I guess it matters,” Big Wiggington, executive producer at Faux News, said in between sips on a glass of pundits’ tears. “Despite the fact that this will have no impact on our bottom line, I can’t shake the feeling that this is probably bad for some reason.”
In related news, Presidential candidate Donald Trump applauded the shutdown on Twitter, touting it as an example of his job-creating abilities.
Collegian Assistant Opinion Editor and Blogger Sean Kennedy can be reached at email@example.com or on Twitter at @seanskenn. He also hosts a weekly radio show, SUBMERGE, on Sundays from 7-9 p.m. on KCSU Fort Collins. Leave a comment!!
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