Sophomore biomedical sciences major Brittany Lindorf was scrolling through Tinder when she stumbled upon a 22-year-old man who proclaimed himself a proud Coloradan. According to his biography, he likes nature and beer, two things uniquely distinctive of a Coloradan.
Most other states have to suffer without the joy of nature and beer.
Upon further investigation, Lindorf found the man has a tattoo of the Colorado flag, so nobody confuses what state he loves.
One of the man’s pictures revealed a shirt that read “ColoRADo” so potential hook-up partners could be aware that he loves Colorado and is probably rad.
The man also appeared to be a fanatic about Coors. Nothing invokes Colorado pride like mediocre beer that’s cold like the Rocky Mountains and tastes like piss. Further proving his love for the square-shaped state, his beer koozie reads, “I hate the Raiders.”
Lindorf matched with the man and decided to strike up a conversation. He told her that after a long day on a trail or the slopes, nothing’s better than a few hits from his bong. He added, “Everybody knows Colorado weed is the best weed. We’re so lucky to be in the only state where it’s legal.”
Lindorf planes to meet the man for coffee Tuesday.
Collegian Satire Blogger Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick can be reached online at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @TatianaSophiaPT.