February is the month to fall for.
Not only because of the artificial romance that is the product of a commercialized non-holiday, or the bizarre and fun way February is spelled, but because of the unexpected snow-pocalypses.
This morning, junior engineer major Maria Sanchez was sighted slipping on ice and falling straight down in the front parking lot, dropping everything including her coffee.
Onlookers witnessed Sanchez’s fall and the consequences it had.
“She looked like a happy girl in a winter wonderland, you know, and then, ‘Bam!’ straight on her a**,” said a witness. “I feel like that child-like wonder will never return to her face. It’s too bad — she seemed happy.”
Earlier in the morning, Sanchez had treated herself to a skinny non-foam latte in celebration of the beautiful, fluffy snow. She had intended to sip on it while admiring how the flakes of snow fell on her maroon jacket, and even considered adding a photo captioned “I love Colorado” to her Snapchat story.
In an interview with Seriously, Sanchez admitted to being disillusioned by the winter season after what has come to be know as “the fall.”
“Screw this, man, and I tore my tights!” Sanchez said. “Who are you? Why the heck are you even talking to me? I’m going to be late. Ow. This would happen to me.”
Collegian Satire Blogger Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick can be reached online at firstname.lastname@example.org.