I should head off to class right now, but I don’t want to because this heat literally makes me want to cry. I am tired of always showing up to class slightly damp. The summer needs to end. You know what else needs to end? This column.
With that, I bid you farewell. After having this column for a little over a semester, I have decided to end it.
“But Cassie, you’re so funny.”
Yes, I know. Thank you to whoever took the time to read my columns.
But after some semi-careful contemplation, I have decided I am over it. Over it.
We’ve been through a lot together. Discussing the potential assassination of robots, polygamist relationships and cookies. It is really incredible that you took the time to read my rants each week.
For whatever reason, you felt this cheesy-named column (which, for the record, I wanted to be called Cass Hole) was worth your time, and I respect you for that.
I’d like to say goodbye to you through song, but I can’t do that, because this is print media. It’s the thought that counts. I’ll sing to you if you ask me to. Don’t be afraid to ask. I may look mad, but that is just how my face is. It doesn’t mean I won’t sing.
I thought I was the only one who found myself funny before I started writing this column. I now know that at least 15 people (the ones who liked it on Facebook) also find me hilarious.
To those of you who read my column, thank you. You did not have to read it, but I’m glad you did. You all probably think I am nuts or weird or just straight up hilarious, but I could not honestly care less.
Nay, nay, young student. Do not cry. I promise to carry my sass with me as I move forward in life.
Wipe those tears away — you can always follow me on Twitter. And you should, because I’m hilarious.
And the good news keeps coming: I’m producing a sketch comedy show, “Sort of Sketchy,” which will premiere at the end of the month. You can find it on CTV 11 or on YouTube.
Collegian Columnist Cassie Maack can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @maackcl.