Note: This article is satirical.
The U plus 2 occupancy rule is well-known by residents of Fort Collins who are renting homes, especially students of Colorado State University who move off-campus after their first year. This rule makes it difficult to embrace the true college lifestyle: out-of-control heaps of garbage overflowing with crushed up beer cans and wine boxes following insane nights of loud music and rowdy drinking games that fuel our angsty disregard for authority and hierarchy.
I think that you should be able to live with however many people you want. After all, what roommate would have a problem sharing food with 47 other people, and what neighbors would complain about a never-ending block party that attracts teenage rebels too ready for the college scene and the violent breaking of bottles against that neighbor’s brand new Maserati? Don’t fight the party — join it. More people living in one house makes studying more fun because there are more people around to distract you with exciting stories or ideas, and random dance parties to relieve stress suddenly become more appealing because there’s strength in numbers. Plus, if the music is loud enough, your living room feels more like a night club. Aren’t those the kind of things that college is all about?
The off-campus living experience has certainly been stifled by the U plus 2 ordinance, but good news is on the way. Property managers in Fort Collins are beginning to catch on to the idea that their limitations for how many people can sign onto one lease are a catalyst for outrage and boredom, and that’s bringing down the college vibe.
“We’ve done a lot of reevaluating,” said Brian Hoover, a property manager at Lauren Rentals. “We want these kids to have the most fun experience possible while living up here, and if that means essentially allowing entire house parties of people move in, then we’re prepared to handle that. It kind of feels like our company is playing the ‘cool dad’ role as we lead the way with this change, and that part is fun for us.”
Hoover has a great point. When it comes to creating some of your best college memories and having the time of your life, property damage, multiple noise complaints and potential vandalism seem like small prices for property managers to pay.
CSU junior Reese “I bring the party” Jameson is excited to see the U plus 2 rule put to rest, like any sensible college student would say.
“It will just make for an easier time trying to figure out housing options,” Jameson said. “I mean I love a good house party, and if six or seven of my buddies already live in a house with me, then planning a shindig goes a lot faster and gets pretty crazy. And if those party plans fall through, it doesn’t really matter because all of us are there and can have a great time getting super wasted without the crowd.”
Think your ideal living situation for next year has been crushed by U plus 2? Think again. The deregulation of roommate capacity will be in full effect beginning this summer. So text all your friends back that you wanted on your lease, but couldn’t swing it, and tell them the party is on.
Collegian Assistant Opinion Editor Haleigh McGill carries vodka in a water bottle and sips casually only between the hours of 9-10 a.m. All other hours are full-chug status. But not really — that, like this article, is satirical. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org, or on Twitter @HaleighMcGill.