Note: April Fool’s Day has impacted my Chrome settings in some negative ways, making research for this column iffy. Facts contained below may not be entirely factual, but are, in any case, very fun to think about.
This year is going to be insane. Popular culture is getting real, folks.
Television is getting more and more intense. Movies are pretty much sequels, exclusively. Rihanna is slowly taking over the world by collaborating with basically every artist who ever lived.
It’s all getting pretty overwhelming, which is why I have decided to create a list of the top things you simply must pay attention to this year. I’m weeding through it all, just for you.
And, before you ask, yes, I’m ignoring all things involving Justin Bieber and Iggy Azaela. You’re welcome.
Insiders from the HBO hit have been hinting at insane twists and surprises for season five since last year’s season four finale.
And while I am still rightfully heartbroken over the death of Oberyn Martell, seeing my favorite “GoT” characters travel through time and shack up with the Dunphys and Pritchetts might come close to making it right.
Rumor has it that the Lannisters will be living with Claire, Phil and the kids, while the Tyrells will end up at Mitch and Cam’s. The newly-introduced Martell sisters will be staying with Jay and Gloria.
The remaining few Starks, in addition to Tyrion and Daenerys, will find their own place in the Los Angeles area and attempt to put aside their petty obsessions with power, independence and survival to focus on more important things such as splitting the rent, finding jobs at Starbucks and dealing with the steep prices of organic food.
One thing is for sure: There’s no way all three Dunphy children are making it out alive. I’m betting on Alex to be the lone survivor.
2. “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” reboot “Slightly Less, But Still Fresh-ish Prince of Bel-Air”
All of the creative, new ideas in the world have been used, so we return to the classics.
As A&E Editor, I received an exclusive DVD of the pilot episode and can give you a preview of the highlights, which include Will Smith wearing the exact outfits from the original series and Jada and Willow continuing in their mission to slowly take over the world. I support it.
Additionally, most coverage of Jaden focuses on him contemplating mortality and human existence while tweeting, staring at the sky and sitting in his favorite bay window.
After finding out about involvement of evil organization Hydra in virtually all aspects of governments around the world, and dealing with the bickering of the men that make up 5/6 of the Avengers, Black Widow Natasha Romanoff finally has enough. She travels back in time, teams up with SHIELD agent and all-around rock star Peggy Carter (Atwell) to end corruption before it starts.
Together the two enjoy passing the Bechdel Test, rocking some very on-point red lipstick and taking out all of the bad guys who continue to foolishly underestimate them.
4. Beyonce and Nicki Minaj play twin musical sensations/vigilante crime fighters in new film, with guest appearances by Jennifer Hudson, Kerry Washington and Laverne Cox.
Need I say more? If you’re not excited by that sentence, I don’t know what’s going to do it for you.
5. Sacha Baron Cohen (“Borat” and “The Dictator”) writes, directs, produces and stars in gender inclusive, non-heteronormative and completely un-racist film.
Even I thought that one was too outlandish.
Collegian A&E Editor Ken “Fergie” Ferguson wishes you a happy April Fools, has mad love for “Game of Thrones” and wants to be Peggy Carter when she grows up. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @McKennaMagazine.