Thanksgiving is upon us, and if you think Christmas music is bad, watch “It’s Thanksgiving” by Nicole Westbrook on YouTube and give thanks this year that holiday radio chooses to play Mariah Carey instead.
In honor of Westbrook’s contribution to the American musical zeitgeist, here is our ranking of the top six too-good-to-be-true songs and music videos, plumbed from the depths of the Internet.
6. Greyson Chance’s “Unfriend You”
Unlike many of the entries on this list, Chance became famous for his talents rather than lack thereof. His piano cover of Lady Gaga’s “Paparazzi” at a sixth grade talent show went viral in 2010, and deservedly so.
However, “Unfriend You,” released in 2011, is an emotional power ballad dedicated to the heart-wrenching act of … unfriending somebody? This production has some potential, but as is, the lyrics represent an embarrassing attempt by corporate America to relate to our generation.
On the bright side, a young Ariana Grande is featured in the music video.
5. Kiely Williams’s “Spectacular”
It defies belief that a former Cheetah Girl could release a music video (and quite frankly, a song) as low-quality as this hot mess, but in 2011 Williams found a way. With this ode to the Walk of Shame, she joins the likes of Nick Jonas and Miley Cyrus as a Disney star gone wild.
If you have even heard of Khia, it is most likely because of this 2002 hip hop ode to — is printing that even allowed? From the opening refrain, you can tell right away that this track is going to be a winner.
Admittedly, it is refreshing to hear a woman rap about such subjects, instead of just men.
3. Peaches’ “F**k the Pain Away”
Imagine hearing one of your elementary or middle school teachers sing this endlessly beautiful tune, and you will know what it must have felt like to be a student at Associated Hebrew Schools of Toronto back in 2000, when it was released.
Peaches, whose real name is Merrill Beth Nisker, was a drama teacher, and “F**k the Pain Away” proved to be her breakout hit, as well as her signature song, aided by its inclusion in shows such as Comedy Central’s “South Park.”
2. Jenna Rose’s “My Jeans” (featuring Baby Triggy)
Literally, it is a song about shopping for jeans. Rose’s discography has improved little since this 2010 Auto-Tuned, green-screen shipwreck, as 2011’s uncomfortably sexualized “O.M.G.” is sure to verify. Here’s to hoping that the 16-year-old Rose develops her musicianship with age.
1. Rebecca Black’s “Friday”
The easy top choice. Everybody has seen this 2011 video, and everybody thought it was a parody of mindless teen pop before they realized it was a legitimate song. Some pan it as the worst song ever recorded, but Lady Gaga called Black a “genius.” It is up to you to decide.
But one person’s trash is another person’s treasure, and if the song survives into memorability, then the artist must be doing something right.
Collegian A&E Writer Hunter Goddard can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @hunter_gaga.