You don’t have to admit it to anyone, but at one point in time your imagination started to run wild with the thought of how you’d try your best to spend $1 billion.
Now, somewhere — likely in a fancy, elegant vacation destination — philanthropist investor Warren Buffett is laughing at the 11 million people who submitted brackets to ESPN in between sips of scotch that cost more than your rent this month.
The motive behind his bold offer was simple: successfully predicting every matchup between the 68 teams in the NCAA Tournament is less likely than eating Chick-fil-A on Sunday – especially this year.
Every big dance is sprinkled with some unexpected upsets, a Cinderella team and, of course, Duke getting bounced early enough to make any Blue Devils fan start to become actually Cameron “Crazy.” But 2014’s installment is on a whole different level. If your bracket went further than the first game before being scrapped for trash, go ahead and chalk it up as a success.
The result of that first matchup, a loss dealt to a powerhouse Ohio State squad by some no-name kids from Dayton (which turned 15 minutes of fame into its first Elite 8 appearance), crushed the billionaire dreams of over nine million Americans, myself included.
From there, it was a downward spiral of frustration that continues to grow at an exponential rate. Despite having to google where exactly Mercer is located, the Bears were trending worldwide on Twitter after taking down Duke. Wichita State’s 35-game winning streak came to an abrupt end at the hands of a Kentucky team that remains alive in the Final Four. Even Harvard had a short-lived window of opportunity to be recognized for something other than academics.
Don’t beat yourself too badly, though. Even Commander in Chief Barack Obama himself is looking back on his bracket with remorse after only picking one Final Four team correctly with Florida.
Sunday night, I took to Twitter in search of some support for being a horrible bracket-filler-outer, encouraging followers to vent their frustrations. Some of the best responses included:
Keith Albertson (@CTVKeith): I watched hundreds of hours of b-ball, filled out eleven brackets and my best one was one where I used a formula. #ThanksObama
Michael Madrid (@MadDog_4): Super sh**ty. Imma be back next year for dat billion #dolladollabillsyall
Jeff (@lilchopstick392): Aaron Craft memes made my year
Keegan Pope (@KPopeCollegian): Every. Single. Year.
Cheer up, fellas. You’re not alone.
We all can’t be as ballsy as Buffett or the Kentucky fan who already has “2014 National Champions” tattooed on his forearm – we’ll save those duties for those striving to be the next spokesperson as the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World.”
Consuming the unpredictable, crazy, unthinkable events that accompany March Madness is the reason that we’ve tuned in in the first place, dropping your jaw is just an added incentive.
Damn you, March Madness. But thank you so much at the exact same time.
Collegian Sports Editor Quentin Sickafoose can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org and on Twitter @QSickafoose.