Based on the 10/4 RamTalk — “Government shutdown… AKA, we get paid too much and need a break. –Politicians.”
Every good company knows that breaks keep employees happy, healthy and productive. From professional ping pongers to amateur dandruff enthusiasts, everyone deserves a break from their work from time to time. One company, however, doesn’t offer a rest period to their staff daily, weekly, monthly or even yearly. Yes, this company only offers breaks every 18 years. This company is the government.
Politicians are just too tired from raking in all of their money and visiting their gold-plated Gatorade Jacuzzis in Malta. They say that, though it may seem like the parties are disagreeing on something, they are doing this to get away from all the stress of politiciandom. Even Thomas Jefferson needed a break from time to time to tend to his fields and fields of sticky icky. Today’s politicians deserve a break after all of the decisions they haven’t made.
Texas Director of Poolside Affairs Kimm Ohlund is excited about the break.
“I’ve been working for 18 years straight now,” Ohlund said. “It’s just so hard to keep kids from not running next to the pool and I hardly get any time off besides weekends, holidays, sick days, paid vacations and some others. I need some ‘me time.’”
Head of the Federal Bureau of Indigestion Marshal Rolley is anything but happy.
“Without me out there, who is going to prevent heartburn?” Rolley said. “And don’t tell me Prevacid can do it because I know they can’t. Who can take on the responsibility?”
Regardless of your stance on the government break that we are experiencing, it’s happening. And we should let the people who don’t fight for our interests at all get a little more time off every now and then. You guys enjoy your time off; I’m just going to visit a National Park or something. Oh wait.
Entertainment Writer Davis English can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.