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The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

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Dave’s Marketplace: a farewell from Dave himself

Davis English May 8, 2015

Goodbye sweet college, you beautiful beast – you multifaceted multicolored washboard of pure flavor. Since the first time I entered the dorms and met my roommate, Logan, I knew that we would be together...

Daves Marketplace: Dakotas split up after 125 years married

Dave’s Marketplace: Dakotas split up after 125 years married

Davis English April 30, 2015

Note: This article is satirical. Early Saturday morning, a celebrity split-up that you may not have anticipated happened in the northern part of the country. The well-known power couple based their...

Daves Marketplace: Local 6-year-old’s art is just awful

Dave’s Marketplace: Local 6-year-old’s art is just awful

Davis English April 24, 2015

Note: This article is satirical. Late Tuesday afternoon, little Jack Brockwae returned home to his parents’ house from the after-school program. Beaming with light and energy, the 6-year-old Brockwae...

Daves Marketplace: the indoor outhouse

Dave’s Marketplace: the indoor outhouse

Davis English April 17, 2015

Note: This article is satirical The bathroom has been and will always be a sanctuary to reflect on the day and play endless hours of phone games. Few, however, have ever seen the john as a design statement...

Daves Marketplace: 2 Chainz loses one Chainz in divorce

Dave’s Marketplace: 2 Chainz loses one Chainz in divorce

Davis English April 9, 2015

Note: This article is satirical. Following his divorce trial, rapper and singer/songwriter 2 Chainz was stripped of one half of his possessions. Though sources haven’t confirmed which half he has...

Daves Marketplace: praying mantis denounces faith

Dave’s Marketplace: praying mantis denounces faith

Davis English April 3, 2015

The Praying Mantis has always been known for their religious devotion through the use of prayer. However, in a shocking turn of events, Praying Mantis’ everywhere have recently denounced their Christian...

Daves Marketplace: tramp stamps bounce back

Dave’s Marketplace: tramp stamps bounce back

Davis English March 27, 2015

Note: This article is satirical. The United States Postal Service has recently issued a new postage stamp that is being celebrated nationwide. Much like the Liberty Bell Stamp, this new stamp celebrates...

Daves Marketplace: Annual cold air balloon festival falls short of expectations

Dave’s Marketplace: Annual cold air balloon festival falls short of expectations

Davis English March 12, 2015

Note: This column is satirical. The first annual Cold Air Balloon Festival was held Saturday morning in Topeka, Kansas and, according to sources, it fell wildly short of expectations. Participants...

Daves Marketplace: Cap’n Crunch scandal

Dave’s Marketplace: Cap’n Crunch scandal

Davis English March 5, 2015

Note: This column is satirical. Following disturbing new allegations put forth by the United States Justice Department, it seems as though another important American public figurehead isn’t exactly...

Daves Marketplace: Get to a sexier state

Dave’s Marketplace: Get to a sexier state

Davis English February 27, 2015

Note: This article is satirical. GQ Magazine’s “Man of the Year” award is one of the most coveted and respected honors that can befall any single man. More impressive than a Kids' Choice Award...

Daves Marketplace: Veil lifted on Pimp Juice

Dave’s Marketplace: Veil lifted on Pimp Juice

Davis English February 19, 2015

Note: This article is satirical. Pimp Juice: is it unethical? A new study has recently brought to light new facts about the controversial juice that just may leave you speechless. “Pimp Juice”...

Dave’s Marketplace: Boy band back in action

Dave’s Marketplace: Boy band back in action

Davis English February 13, 2015

Note: This article is satirical. Move over, Jonas Brothers and One Direction – the Optimus Prime of boy bands has finally been formed. With soothing headset vocals that could send any 12-year-old...

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