Lame-stream media has no problem constantly bashing presidential candidate Donald Trump for behaviors they deem “racist”, “sexist” or “just generally f*cked up“. However, there are some facts about The Donald that they don’t want you to know. Facts that make the Republican nominee much more … human.
Fact #1: In his spare time, the multi-billionaire plays the game Uno®,
proving that he is a “wild card”, not a racist
Would a racist play a game written in Mexican? Draw 4, liberals.
Fact #2: Trump is secretly a Harry Potter fan
Having read about half of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Trump calls himself “an absolute fanatic,” saying “Avada Kadavra” to any suspicions about his literacy.
Fact #3: The owner of Trump Towers
is known to enjoy hummus on occasion
He sometimes enjoys hummus with chips, showing the man is courageous enough to try exotic cuisine and has no hate towards suspicious middle-eastern food.
Fact #4: Sources have confirmed that Trump once said “Thank you” to a woman after receiving what he later recalled as “only a C+ blow job”
This is just another example of how the candidate is quick to reward hard work and effort, even for subpar results.
Fact #5: Trump always wins when playing Monopoly
Although he’s only played once, Trump’s business skills and dedication to winning amazingly overcame his lack of experience.
So who is the real Trump? The media seems to have no problem constantly depicting Trump as “inconsistent” and “a person with no sense of decency,” but when people bother to find the real facts, another story is found. A story that, perhaps, can help make America great again.
Collegian Satire Blogger Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick can be reached online at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter at @TatianaSophiaPT.