Senior biomedical science major Anita Marrena aims to have amicable relationships with those she works with.
“I like to feel comfortable saying hi, maybe even have some small talk about weekend plans,” Marrena said. “But never, under any circumstance, do I want to spend time with any of these miserable people outside of this hell-hole.”
According to a report Tuesday afternoon, Marrena received an unexpected and unwarranted request from a coworker to “hang out” when she was free.
Shaken, but not broken, Marrena excused herself to the company bathroom where she looked at herself directly in the eye and delivered the line, “You deserve better” in a convincing and authoritative, yet benevolent voice.
Marrena returned to her coworker and smoothly told him that her grand-aunt Yolanda was on her deathbed. The coworker looked sad and asked if there was anything he could do.
“Yeah, I feel bad for lying, but what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t actually spend time with him outside of work,” Marrena said. “I like to spend every moment I have out of work pretending I don’t work, and hanging out with him would really not work with that.”
All of Marrena’s coworkers gave her a heartfelt card in hopes of supporting her through the death of her nonexistent great-aunt.
Marrenna says she regrets nothing.
Collegian Satire Blogger Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick can be reached online at email@example.com or on Twitter @TatianaSophiaPT.