Dean Cox went into class to take his midterm exam with all the confidence in the world.
With one part swagger and one part suave, the sophomore health and exercise major strode into class hungover, in sweatpants and what appeared to be his RVCA t-shirt on backward.
The sophomore found the exam more difficult than he anticipated.
“It was actually really hard, man. Like, I studied last night — well, I looked at my friend’s notes for a sec before class,” said Cox in an interview with Seriously. “I just didn’t think it was going to be that hard.”
Cox’s classmates suspected that the difficulty Cox had may have had something to do with his attendance.
“I honestly didn’t even realize he was in this class,” said senior performing arts major Taylor Johnson. “This is the first I’ve seen of him.”
Apparently, other students did not have the same trouble as Cox.
“I’m on Pinterest planning my ideal wedding most classes, and I did fine,” said junior English major Stephani Mayers.
Cox’s professor offered insight into the process of grading exams.
“The real trick — now listen closely, because a lot of people struggle with this — is to attend my goddamned lectures,” the professor said. She took a deep breath and collected her thoughts. “Much to my surprise, this is not an understood fact. Ignorance of this fact is reflected is Mr. Cox’s poor attendance, and failure to achieve even close to a passing grade on the exam.”
Cox received a 30 percent on his exam.
“I don’t pay to go to school and be given bad grades,” said Cox. “This is total bullsh*t, man.”
Collegian Satire Blogger Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick can be reached online at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @TatianaSophiaPT.