For decades, the Collegian has played the part of watchdog to ASCSU, hounding its every step and criticizing any infraction we’re able to find, regardless of whether it is world shakingly large or infinitesimally small.
Our organization has been called out frequently for being able to talk the talk, but showing absolutely no willingness to walk the walk.
That all changes today.
The Collegian’s Editorial Board would like to officially announce its bid to become president of ASCSU.
We’ve long since realized that our knowledge is impeccable and our reasoning is infallible, being the quickest to point out even the most insignificant misstep by CSU’s student government.
The next logical step is, obviously, assuming total control over ASCSU itself.
Some may ask if running for ASCSU while being the primary media provider on campus will be a conflict of interest. While we promise to maintain the utmost professionalism through our candidacy, we know that a mere promise doesn’t go far enough.
Therefore, we have decided to join every other area of CSU extracurriculars that we can (we’re currently registering as a Greek chapter and trying out for our football team). After all, every good journalist knows that if you have a conflict of interest with everybody you cover, that’s the equivalent of a conflict of interest with nobody.
We invite you to tune in for our extensive campaign coverage of ourselves, where you’ll get the treat of hearing our opinion on everything from a shrine of Tony Frank’s beard to initiating a war on campus squirrels (they’re coming).
We know you’ll make the right decision in the upcoming election and elect the Collegian’s Editorial Board as the next president of ASCSU.
Happy April Fool’s Day, everyone.